I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
