She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
