i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize