yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
