That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
