:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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