His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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