thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
