Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
