I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
