I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
