a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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