I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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