I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
