he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize