my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
