I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
