I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
