Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize