He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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