Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
