God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if i died would you start the facebook group?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
