the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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