Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
