I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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