He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize