Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
