I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
