i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
