Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He felt like a one man threesome
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
