so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
