before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
