Can Purell be used as lube?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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