I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
