You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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