Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just blew my weed a kiss
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
