My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
