It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
