Nicole vs. Life
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
