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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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