My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
