We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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