My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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