Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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