what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
