our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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