we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
