Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
