we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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