i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
