you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
