So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
