Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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