All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
