Christians are straight up FREAKS
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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