Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
