; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
