so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
