It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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