It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
