apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
