then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
