ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
