Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize