I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
