yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
