im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize