no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
