WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
