I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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