I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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