It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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