On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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