it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
