a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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