So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
