I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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