If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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