Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Houston, we have a blender
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
