wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
