chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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