4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
