How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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