I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
