wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize