I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize