the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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