Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
how does that bad decision feel?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
