Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
