I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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