do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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