I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
