it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
