I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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