This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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