I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
