K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize