can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
